Cop: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. What does a 75 year-old woman have between her breast that a 25 year old woman doesn't her navel? The officer examines the license. Best … Wife: No, only when he's drunk. "What are those for?" So the man got out the machetes and started juggling them – first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer. A seatbelt! The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you"re not wearing your seat belt, sir. Thursday, 6 August 2015. ", The officer then asked, "Really? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. Prince Harry gave her a royal pounding. Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too. Open and Shut in Word Play Jokes. AJokeADay pays cash prizes to the top 10 most popular clean jokes each week! What will happen if Meghan Markle ever becomes Queen? It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, and was pulled over on the way home by a state trooper. It’s so hot, I started putting ice-cubes in my waterbed. 08) engines drown out the rap music. Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Take them to the zoo immediately.". hide. I didn't know about a broken tail light! A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Tweet. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. )Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Open and Shut in Word Play Jokes. Maybe you bought a used car and want to give it a proper detailing now that it's yours. After observing … Doing General Cleaning Pull out the seat belt. It's the most comprehensive and trusted online destination for law enforcement agencies and police departments worldwide. The driver did a double take, and said, "My God. Funny, Blonde, Pepito, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes. One sunny day, Father Ted is driving his car down a small country road, when he suddenly spots a nun waiting at a bus stop. Johnson?" It’s so hot we had to ship the fish to Seattle just so they wouldn’t forget how to swim. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) I was visiting my wife at the hospital. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) "Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?". I didn’t know about a broken tail light! ", As she finishes speaking the cop pauses for a moment and then puts his ticket book and pen away. Man: Broken tail light? The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde driver's license. I said, "Yes." Man: Broken tail light? And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON"T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" A: Would you like a tow home? New to YT? 17 Dirty Jokes That Are So Filthy You'll Need A Shower. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Wife: No, only when he’s drunk. The funny story below is a perfect example of just that! Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. Look at the test they're giving now. Man: Broken tail light? Road police at the scene of the accident explain in a TV interview about the importance of carrying the seat belt: 0. May 8, 2018 . Wife: Oh Harry. No comments: Post a comment. Safety Council has completed extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! After a couple miles he flies by a cop at a speed trap. Grab the steering wheel while I get my seatbelt on!” The policeman approaches the car. A: Fill the tank with petrol. Old Lady Biker Joke . A man was stopped by the police around 2 AM. Uniform Stories features a variety of contributors. please share a joke? Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt! report. You never wear your seat belt when you"re driving." The Juggler. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. It’s so hot, I started putting ice-cubes in my waterbed. Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. What bands played at Meghan Markle's nuptials? Man: Shut your mouth, woman! A circus performer was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. Prank your loved ones! What happened after Meghan Markle spent some dollars on her honeymoon? Another car passed by. Wearing restraints have risen 85% for those involved in accidents, but statistics still prove thousand more lives could have been saved with the remaining majority had they been wearing a seat belt as well. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. "Well, show me then," the officer demanded. save. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. (Man gives his wife a dirty look. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Vigorously pull the belt forward until it is stiff and … Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. "But officer." Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: You what? Sort by. 07) the pit crew can’t work on the car while holding up pants at the same time. I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. Funny, Blonde, Pepito, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes « previous joke: Forest goes to Heaven. 5 Year Old & Seat Belt. Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks. She asked, "Do I click the square?" Answer: A seat belt. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back. level 1. The man pulls over and waits for the officer to give him a ticket. Joke has 85.11 % from 401 votes. Wife: No, only when he's drunk. Especially dirty jokes have an ability to tickle the funny bone. ", The man replied, "That would be my wife. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt… Haha! Everyone loves a good joke, and so many of the good ones, for some reason, involve police. Loading... Share this: Facebook Twitter Google+ … Where is the proof that seat belts love to be pulled? The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." You were going 80. Man: Broken tail light? Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:Man: What's the problem officer? Close. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? This poor priest could never in his wildest dreams have imagined how this day would turn out. This thread is archived. "Where is your car now?" seat belt joke. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Mom, What did he can you? Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Okay, I won't tell you then okay, but I do have a serious question for you. Enter “https://www.police1.com/” and click OK. Funny police and cop jokes about funny situation when you meet police officer. The E.U. ", A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. One day she goes up and knocks on a biker's door. Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Pinterest. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! Within minutes five police cars circle the car. What is it a seat belt? "I'm the groom. "And what did you do then," the troopers asked. Officer: I'm also going to give you a caution for not wearing your seat belt. Not buying it. ", Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, its got your picture on it!". the man began, "I can explain. The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage. A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Officer: Don't have one? The Dirty Con Job of Mike Rowe 26 Internet Roasts That Didn't Hold Back Top 5. well? A lady who was speeding had an officer pull her to the side of the road. Q: What do you call a Skoda with a seat belt? Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one. Officer: Can I see your license please? The Laugh Club » Dirty jokes » Priest gets turned on by beautiful nun but is rejected, 3 hours later the forbidden truth is revealed. A: A lie. Officer: Stole it? Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. He turned to his wife and said, “Quick! Copyright © 2021 Police1. Search Results for: seat belt « Previous Jokes. Laugh on best police jokes. He was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) 0. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there. The Laugh Club . You have a dirty mind! she asked suspiciously. Loading... Share this: Facebook Twitter Google+. I know it’s long, but it’s worth reading:o) Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” a bit more entertaining. The officer comes up to his car and says, "I have been waiting for you all day. The cop immediately pulls out and turns on his siren. Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Cop: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Question: There was a window cleaner who was cleaning a window on the 25th floor of a skyscraper. "What are you going to do with the prize money?" Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. (Man gives his wife a dirty look. 35 comments. Wife: No, only when he's drunk. ", "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Nine Inch Veils and Wedding Train. )Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. These sources are experts and educators within their profession. Today; 7 Days; 30 Days; 45 Times People Caught the World with Its Pants Down 19,178. "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again.". ", The old gentleman paused. Funny Pictures . Archived. Wife: Oh Harry. They’re just people, putting their lives on the line in a dirty business day after day. I've got to give up drinking! The driver replies, "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car." Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? 2 years ago. An officer sees a man exit a bar at closing time and get into his car. These furry creatures are cute, cuddly and fun, and they’re also a great source of unBEARably funny puns! Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. Prank-O makes practical joke gift boxes for screamingly funny, hilariously awful, but scarily plausible products that don’t really exist. There was a man driving when he spotted a policeman. [Man gives his wife a dirty look.] Muahahaha. Loading... Share this: Facebook Twitter Google+. ", This guy was pulled over for running a stop sign. 769. (assuming you are dead) Every other question you can answer 'yes' even if you are wrong. "Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper. Older Woman: Is there a problem, officer? " The guy replies: "I did...today I'm taking them to the beach!". "I use those in my act.". Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off. ", On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back? Lexipol. WARNING: Very inappropriate (and hilarious) language ahead. Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth bitch!" share. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) When the cop checked the man's driver's license, he said, "You're wearing glasses on your ID and you're not now. Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks. Looking back on it now, I’m sure that he would have done things differently if he could do them all over! Man: Shut your mouth, woman! ", The sarge replied, "Forget it, he's in Georgia now. To which the queen replied "Wear a seat belt and don't piss me off! Q: What did the Ford say to the Skoda? Lexipol. You have a dirty mind! That said, police are fodder for countless jokes because the awkwardness, confusion, and tension of a police encounter can lead to some very funny slips of the tongue. "Are you Mr. I didn't know about a broken tail light! The Lecture. Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one. ... "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn"t have your seat belt on. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Are your seat belts filthy? "I'm a juggler," the man replied. Q: What do you call a Skoda with 200,000 miles on it? +Add Joke: LATEST: POPULAR: RANDOM: Prev Joke | Next Joke: 162 hits: 3.3 (172 votes) Share : Favorite | Flag: 12 years ago by snowbdr88 : Email to a Friend: Post/Bookmark: Permalink: What gets longer when pulled, Fits between your boobs, Inserts neatly in a hole, And... Works best when jerked? 56% of male fatalities were unrestrained while 43% of female fatalities were unrestrained. Enjoy cop humor. Always one to lend a helping hand, he pulls over and offers her a lift. Look for a box or option labeled “Home Page (Internet Explorer, Firefox, Safari)” or “On Startup (Chrome)”. Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. The woman steps out of her vehicle. ", To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf! If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed. Bottom: Last Post: You need to be logged in to post a reply. The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. Get it out the gutter! "May we see the car?" A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. and manufacturers. Funny Pictures . Q: How do you double the value of a Skoda Yeti? Not really interested in koalas and want to read rather about bigger animals? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. Standing in his doorway were two state troopers. More jokes about: car, cop, drunk, marriage, wife A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt. Newer Post Older Post Home. Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first trooper pulled over quickly. Posted by 2 years ago. Answer: A seat belt. ", The man says, "Well, I got here as fast as I could.". I didn't know about a broken tail light! ", The guy said, "Officer, I have contacts. Welcome to this big page filled with funny car jokes! Inside the garage was the state trooper's car. This may be called “Tools” or use an icon like the cog. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! 04) no passenger seat for the ho. I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. asked the troopers. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night. He looks quite puzzled. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Copyright © 2021 ", A traffic cop pulled over a speeding motorist and asked, "Do you have any ID?". 03) there are no sponsors for cadillac. All rights reserved. I'm going to have to give you a ticket. As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! He asks the driver her name. She was stark naked! He suddenly slips and falls. Question: What is the only question you can't answer yes to? ", A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. A: A rucksack. Man: Broken tail light? interacts online and researches product purchases Copyright © 2021 by Kayla Yandoli. All rights reserved. they asked. Officer: Why not? Older Woman: Is there a problem sir? It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off. We present... 15 Classic Jokes Involving Police Traffic Stops. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back...", "And I said to keep quiet! We have searched all over the place for the most hilarious koala puns and jokes out there, so buckle your seat belt – we think you’re going to enjoy them beary much! These furry creatures are cute, cuddly and fun, and they’re also a great source of unBEARably funny puns! Video: Deputy narrowly avoids point-blank gunfire, Video: Suspect bursts through door, shoots NYPD cops, City Council advances proposal to replace Minneapolis PD, 5 Okla. cops face manslaughter charges in fatal OIS, Individual Access - Free COVID-19 Courses, Open the tools menu in your browser. The guy says OK, and drives away. As the officer was … Just as the trooper was about to slap on the cuffs, an accident in the opposite lane took his attention, and he ran in that direction to help. Practical Joke Ideas, Funny Lists, Random Funny Stuff, and Favorite Jokes of the Day. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. Do they get stuck when retracting? Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. Q: Why is this country so far in debt? ", "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. Great Car Jokes and Funny Driving: Automotive Humor at Its Best. Select the option or tab named “Internet Options (Internet Explorer)”, “Options (Firefox)”, “Preferences (Safari)” or “Settings (Chrome)”. Oh so true. Cop: I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. 97% Upvoted. Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Get it out the gutter! As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Wearing a seat belt is not just only the law, but can also save your life. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. The officer then says, "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt." Police1 is revolutionizing the way the law enforcement community Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. 09) the pistol won’t stay under front seat. Email This BlogThis! Today is Friday. Show Answer; Answer: Are you dead? The man gives his young wife another dirty look. Funny Riddle #411 (medium) Save; Comments / Answers (5) 4k views 412 ratings 12 saves. Try our favorite llama puns. Thinking how important automobiles are to the Western way of life, the amount of funny jokes and good driving jokes to be found is relatively small - there are not all that many; and they're not all that funny. ", Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Mustang east on I-20 toward Georgia. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) I thought you were bringing her back.". Prank-O makes practical joke gift boxes for screamingly funny, hilariously awful, but scarily plausible products that don’t really exist. Your back goes out more than you do. You're going to jail! I'm visiting my daughter in Columbia. Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. It’s so hot, I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never catch him. A man buys this real fast sports car and he's is flying down the road at about 80 mph. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, quickly drove home and went to bed. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. best. Instead, look at the one who wore the belt: looks so alive and well. Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. No Age Limit To Being Wild. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this.". It gets longer when you jerk it, it fits in between your boobs and it slides into the seat belt. A circus performer was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! 0 . Who's giving that lecture at this time of night? Do Not Sell My Personal Information, If you need further help setting your homepage, check your browser’s Help menu. Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. The rookie trooper pulled in behind him and said, "Hey, sarge, why did you stop? The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse, smoking, and staying out late and the effects they all have on the human body. 0 – Look at this man who did not wear the belt: his head torn, his intestines on the windshield, his eyes in the tree, and he lost his hands. Do Not Sell My Personal Information. She asked, "Do I… Shop with Amazon! Uniform Stories covers an array of subjects like field stories, entertaining anecdotes, and expert opinions. Cop: Ma’am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Your knees buckle and your belt won't. )Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. That lady isn't wearing a seat belt! The officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. It’s so hot, I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) Search This Blog. It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze. A little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club. After receiving a few joke submissions over the past few weeks, we've decided to put together some of our favorites. She asked me, "Single click or double click?" "Stuart," the pretty woman says, "you know you never wear your seat belt!" Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car. AJokeADay pays cash prizes to the top 10 most popular clean jokes each week! The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed. I didn't know about a broken tail light! You were going 80. Man: No sir, I was going 65. All rights reserved. 06) they keep trying to carjack dale, jr. 05) police cars on track interfere with race. There was a window cleaner who was cleaning a window riddle (medium) Save; Comments / Answers (2) 2k views 129 ratings 14 saves. They rarely get the praise, thanks, or recognition they deserve. He pulls the guy over and demands:"I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday? She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. Older Woman: I can't do that. Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that rear light for weeks. ", A traffic officer stops a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. the troopers inquired. We have searched all over the place for the most hilarious koala puns and jokes out there, so buckle your seat belt – we think you’re going to enjoy them beary much! That's an automatic $75 fine." Joke New Seatbelt Design ..... Posted by Unknown at 07:10. I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Top: Kid Jokes: 5 Year Old & Seat Belt. She says, "I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan. It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. It’s so hot we had to ship the fish to Seattle just so they wouldn’t forget how to swim. Everyone loves a good joke, and so many of the good ones involve police. Dirty Seat Belts are easy to clean, once they are clean they will roll back in the retractor like greased lighting. finds relevant news, identifies important training information, (Man gives his wife a dirty look. Prank your loved ones! Older Woman: I stole this car. The husband bursts out, "Shut your mouth, woman!" The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like? ", The cop said, "Look, buddy, I don't care who you know, I'm still giving you a ticket. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. The man answered that it was in the garage. Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Men will be coming into some money! Ha-ha-ha So cute.